THE BLOTTER: Devious duo determined to drink

At the Coweta County jail., two female inmates dubbed themselves “The Dream Team” – after stealing and drinking hand sanitizer from the jail’s medical area.

Female Inmate #1 started distracting a corrections officer in the medical area of the jai, so female Inmate #2 could steal the hand-sanitizer from the medical officer’s desk. “Officials said (Female Inmate #1) began talking to the officer on his left side and (Female Inmate #2) approached from his right side,” 11 Alive reported. “(Female Inmate #2 ) then reportedly swiped the bottle off the officer’s desk and stuck it in her pants.”

Duuuuude, you’re a police officer and you fell for this? The most mind-blowingly simple female “distraction” strategy ever invented?

Coweta County deputies say the inmate duo “began pouring the hand sanitizer into their jail-issued cups and adding water to thin it out. Yeah, the jail’s hand sanitizer “contained the alcohol content of 62.5%,” 11 Alive News reported.

The next day, the Dynamic Lady Duo went to the medical wing and stole another bottle of hand sanitizer from the same officer’s desk. According to Coweta County sheriff’s deputies, the two female inmates went back to their cell, high-fived each other and said, “We are the Dream Team!” while Female Inmate #1 danced inside her jail cell.

Then, like many “Dream Teams” — their momentum fizzled fast. Hours later, the “Dream Team” was caught when officers noticed the missing hand sanitizer. When questioned, Female Inmate #1 pulled the hand sanitizer out of her jail jumpsuit and handed it to a corrections officer, according to WSB-TV. Female Inmate #1 is now facing charges of theft and charges of possessing forbidden inmate items and converting the hand sanitizer into an alcoholic beverage. That means much more jail time for her.

Bizarre family feud

On a rainy spring evening in Northwest Atlanta, a family meltdown erupted outside a grandmother’s apartment on Center Street. Her 36-year-old grandson had come over to visit and drive his elderly grandmother to an appointment. The 36-year-old was walking his grandmother to his car, when suddenly he spotted his overweight uncle, age 53, jumping out of a car and strolling toward them. “Upon making contact, the uncle kept pressing his body against (the 36-year-old nephew), leading the nephew to believe the uncle was attempting to discreetly hand him something,” the reporting officer noted. “The nephew said as he continued toward the vehicle, he was approached again by the uncle, who asked the nephew if he was responsible for a naked video of the uncle being on Facebook. “No,” answered the nephew, telling his frantic uncle that he would come back to talk once his grandmother was safely in the car. “(The nephew) then stated he observed his uncle in possession of a “shiny bladed instrument” that the nephew believed was a knife,” the reporting officer noted.

“(The uncle) also made me aware of the videos in question,” the officer wrote. “The first video was of (the uncle) naked from the waist down, swinging his genitalia to the camera. The second video was also from inside the apartment, where he could be heard making remarks such as ‘This is what you like?’ and “You like dick?” — presumably aimed at (his 36-year-old nephew’s) sexual preferences.” Then, the uncle “denied any knowledge of the videos even after I was shown the video in his presence,” the officer noted.

The uncle told police his side of the story. The uncle said as he was coming to visit his mother, when he saw his nephew escorting her to the car. The uncle said he “approached the other side of his mother to help as well,” the reporting officer wrote. The uncle claims, “Upon (the nephew) noticing (the uncle’s) presence, the nephew “became hostile” “He claims (the nephew) then began asking him, “What are you doing here, pussy?”

The uncle claims the nephew also said, “I got something for you when I get back,” to which the uncle took to mean (the nephew) planned to harm him with a weapon, resulting in the uncle deciding to call 911. (The uncle) denied ever having a knife on him — and states (the nephew) was the one with a knife and states (the nephew) said, “I got something for you when I get back,” — which the uncle took to mean that the nephew “planned to hurt him with a weapon, resulting in (the uncle) deciding to place a 911 call.

No one was injured or even arrested in this strange family spat. This was an “INFORMATION ONLY” police report. The cop recorded all his interviews on his body camera. OK, here’s a big question. If the overweight uncle made naked videos of himself and posted them on Facebook (a risky decision) then why the heck would the uncle voluntarily call police and make the officer LOOK at his genitalia-focused videos? Why did the uncle think that was logical decision? Helpful hint: if you make porno videos of yourself, do not post those naked videos of yourself on Facebook or any social media. And don’t call 911 and voluntarily show those Facebook videos to police. Just a thought.

Rapper hit by dumb dude

Rapper T-Pain was riding home from the Atlanta airport in his family’s SUV when he was involved in a hit-and-run accident in Roswell around 1 a.m. In a posted video, T-Pain said he, his wife and touring manager were nearly home when a big car slammed the back of their SUV, injuring his driver’s back. The alleged hit-and-run suspect left his own car’s grill and some baby toys at the crash site. According to news reports, police tracked down the male suspect’s car (a Chevy Tahoe) using license-plate reader cameras.

Police found the male suspect’s car less than one mile from the hit-and-run accident site. The car was abandoned in a Roswell neighborhood near Brook Valley Road and Oak Knoll Road.

Apparently, the dude who hit T-Pain’s SUV is not a super-intelligent guy.

Police found 11 full bottles of Corona beer and one empty beer bottle inside the male suspect’s car. Also, the suspect left his passport (with his name and address) inside his abandoned car, along with store receipts. Using that information, police drove to the Woodstock address and confronted the male suspect, who had urinated on himself. He tested over twice the legal limit for alcohol.  The suspect admitted he’d drunk several beers and had his car keys in his pocket.

The male suspect is now charged with driving under the influence, hit-and-run, following too close, and possession of an open alcohol container.

Glamour girl gets her way

In Atlanta’s Summerhill neighborhood, police were sent to an apartment on Hank Aaron Drive for a possible self-harming. “Upon my arrival, I made contact with Grady bus 743, who advised they would not be waiting for the patient to pamper herself to transport her to the hospital,” the lead officer wrote in his police report. “I made contact with (the 46-year-old woman), who advised she would not go to the hospital looking like this. (The 46-year-old woman) proceeded to wipe her face with a cotton wipe. (She) said she didn’t want her face to dry out before she went to the hospital. (She) then proceeded to blow-dry her hair and refused to go to the hospital until she was done” At this point, Grady bus 743 and the medics inside decided to leave her residence.

She told the police officer that “she took a few pills because she is depressed and wants to be with her deceased father. (She) said she wanted to go to the hospital tomorrow — and she is fine. The lead officer dispatched medics to return to the scene and check on the 46-year0ld woman. But Grady medics ignored the dispatch — and didn’t show up while the officer was there.

Perplexed, the officer called his boss, a police lieutenant, for advice on what to do. (The 46-year-old woman) refused to leave her house. The lieutenant “instructed me to give responsibility to Grady bus 743 … It is to be noted Grady bus 743 left the scene; it is unknown if Grady went back to the scene to check on (the 46-year-old woman).” —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and local news reports — and puts them into her own words.