THE BLOTTER: Sing us a song (or don’t)

We’ve never been fans of Billy Joel’s “Piano Man” tune. But seriously, it’s not this offensive.

In Athens, GA, a UGA student with a keyboard was doing his street-performer thing, belting out “Piano Man” near the corner of East College Avenue and Clayton Street. His viral TikTok video shows a woman interrupting his performance by slamming her hand on his keyboard, which triggered the collapse of the keyboard stand. The UGA student claims the woman reached into his tip jar and stole money as well.

“That’s what gets me mad,” the UGA student tells Fox5Atlanta. “I’m like ‘Yo, what are you doing?’ One of her friends comes back. I’m like, ‘Did you just steal money from me?’ And her friend says, ‘Yeah, she did.’”

The UGA student continues: “To come out here and do this, and someone to mess it up is just not like a cool thing to do.” The UGA student filed a police report. Cops say several “Internet sleuths” tracked down the accused woman. Fox5 spoke to the woman who denied taking his tip money and said she apologized to the UGA student and sent him money for a new keyboard stand. Apparently, “we’re all in the mood for a melody”…. except this woman. Bitch.

Witchy woman

Around 4 a.m., something spooky happened at a home near the intersection of Star Mist Drive and Golden Dawn Drive in southwest Atlanta.

Cops from the Atlanta Police Department responded to a fight at the home.

A 30-year-old woman says she was taking a nap when a “known family member” (a strange woman who lived there long ago) suddenly shows up at the home, banging on the door, according to the police report. The Mystery Woman had not lived in the spooky home for years.

The 30-year-old woman says before she could get to the door and respond to the knocking and banging — the Mystery Woman had already entered the home.

Do not take even one step closer to me, the 30-year-old woman insisted.

The Mystery Woman kept getting closer and closer to the 30-year-old woman. The Mystery Woman started saying weird stuff like: “Why is your house so dark?” and “The spirits sent me.”

The 30-year-old woman says the Mystery Woman left and said over her shoulder on her way out; “If you want to play police games, I’ll come back later.”

ATL cops told the 30-year-old woman to change her locks, pronto.

Pretty in pink

Near Athens, GA, a female deputy responded to a caller who spotted a possible body alongside Georgia Highway 316 near Mars Hill Road.

“She arrived about 2:40 a.m. and as she shined a flashlight in the treeline, she observed a man crouching down behind a tree,” reports Online Athens.

The deputy called out to the man who came forward wearing a pink bra, a tank top and white underwear briefs. Also, the deputy spotted a rope on the ground.

“The man, who was wearing pink lipstick gave his name as George, but it was actually Leroy,” reports Online Athens. “He finally explained he was in the woods engaging in auto-erotic strangulation with the rope.

Note: The man is age 71. And he’s already banned in Oconee County. Apparently, a judge previously banned the dude for unknown reasons. The female deputy took the 71-year-old man in a pink bra and pink lipstick to jail — or violating the judge’s ban and hanging out in Oconee County, among other charges.

Foul odor

Trying to get home during rush hour on I-285, Atlanta drivers have gnashed their teeth, slapped the steering wheel, and shouted feisty expletives over a lot of crazy shit over the years.

Chases. Stupid drivers. Snow. Flooding. And now, dead chickens.

During a recent I-285 rush hour, a big rig crashed and flipped over in Sandy Springs, while carrying 40,000 pounds of raw frozen chicken. The spilled meat and truck blocked most of I-285 East for hours and shut down lanes near Exit 22 near New Northside Drive and Powers Ferry Road. What happened? Pre-spill, the truck driver smashed into a white work van, causing it to slide over and get stuck in spilled chicken meat. The driver’s mistake set off a chain reaction, causing five other cars to wreck.

“There are injuries but none are life-threatening” Sandy Springs PD told “The Gridlock Guy.” “The tractor-trailer hit a car while following too closely and started a seven-vehicle wreck.”

The truck driver got ticketed for “following too closely.” No word on what happened to that 40,000 pounds of frozen chicken meat spilled on the highway.

Cheapest customer ever

In Castleberry Hill, a female homeowner says she saw a totally naked man repeatedly peering into other people’s condos and cars.

So she called police. An Atlanta cop approached the man as he was on the verge of leaving the Castleberry Hill neighborhood. At first, the man, age 35, was “being cooperative” by giving his name and date of birth, the cop noted. “As I searched (the suspect) on my computer, the info came back as (the suspect) having a warrant in Douglasville, GA, for probation violation in regards to public indecency.”

The cop tried to detain and arrest the 35-year-old naked man, who suddenly took off running. But not too far. The naked suspect only made it across the street — then the cop handcuffed him. The 35-year-old man went to jail on charges of Peeping Tom, prowling, probation violation, and obstructing an officer. Bet his nude “costume” went over well in Fulton County Jail.

Some folks got no souls

You could make $2,000 if you can help cops solve this shoe crime. Gwinnett County police are looking for tips on an impatient couple selling shoes. A Gwinnett County resident said he made a deal to meet the couple at a gas station on Stone Mountain Highway and buy a pair of Balenciaga shoes (plus two more pairs of less designery shoes) for $1,600.

The victim handed over $1,600 and got the Balenciaga shoes — but the couple — a man and a woman — was still searching their bronze SUV for the other two pairs of shoes. The female in the couple started complaining that the shoe sale was taking too long — and she handed the man a gun, according to Fox5Atlanta TV. The man allegedly pointed the gun at the victim, took back the shoes and the couple fled. Police are now looking for the couple: The woman has a red tattoo over one eye and the man has dreads and facial hair.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and local news reports — and puts them into her own words.